Have you heard the good news?
Or, are you already a Lethargist, and slept through it?
Lethargists won’t be spreading the word door-to-door, because they're lethargic. An Evangelical Lethargist is an Oxymoron. Consequently, Lethargism is the world's slowest growing religion. But, if you’re so moved, you can easily become one by subscribing. It’s totally free, with no gimmicks or gotchas.
Unlike other religions, we collect no tithes and molest no children. Since we are serious about the separation of Church and State, we are free to criticize politicians and judges who aren’t. We also ridicule anti-science Luddites and religious fundamentalists. Consequently, Lethargists don’t win a lot of friends and influence lots of people. So, we could use your help.
Our Creed
Lethargists never run when they can walk, never walk when they can stand, never stand when they can sit, never sit upright when they can recline, never recline when they can lie down, and never just lay there with their eyes open when they could be fast asleep.
Words of the Prophet, Mark Twain: "I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any…. Work is a necessary evil to be avoided…. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
How to Be a Devout Lethargist
Holy Vestments: Pajamas and a bathrobe.
Patron Saint: Rip van Winkel, who slept for 20 years.
How we Pray: Whilst supine, the invocation begins with, "Sweet dreams are made of these...."
Favorite Hymn: Why Get Up? by The Fabulous Thunderbirds.
Favorite Parables: The Tortoise and the Hare, by Aesop. How Leisure Came, by Ambrose Bierce.
Favorite Teachings: Don't wake the sleeping giant. Let sleeping dogs lie. Haste makes waste. Take time to smell the flowers. Doing nothing is still doing something. A good night's sleep deserves a morning nap.
Our Sunday Morning Whereabouts: A nice, comfortable bed.
Our Mascots: Sloths, snails, and slugs.
Our Holiest Day of the Year: The one Sunday in autumn when the clocks are changed from daylight saving time to daylight wasting time, thereby giving us an extra hour of blessed sleep.
Our Ultimate Sacrifice: Having to get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee. A Holy Urinal at the side of the bed (instead of a crucifix above it) is a visible symbol of one's fervent devotion to Lethargism.
Why Lethargism
Lethargism offers an opportunity for Salvation through Intentional Inaction. It promises righteous Lethargists their reward in the afterlife consisting of Eternal Sleep. While there is no heaven or hell in Lethargist Scripture, one could imagine damnation being an alarm clock that never stops ringing.
Devout Lethargists are job-creators for people who haven't seen the (metaphorical) light, and don't mind getting out of bed to go to work. Lethargists are able to make America great by sleeping in.
Join us for our next sleep-in; no travel required.